There have been several times in my 27 years that I have struggled with wanting a man to give me a title. Yes, ladies we have all done it at one point or another where you have been "dating exclusively" for a period that can range anywhere from several weeks to several months (each relationship being different) and you are sitting there wondering when he is going to give you that illusive title of Girlfriend.
Why is it that we need that? Is it insecurity?
I myself have found that sometimes I don't want it. I want to continue to just date. This usually happens when I am not that interested in a man and merely just have him there for entertainment or to pass the time until a better subject comes along. ( I know its not nice but it's honest)
So when I have found myself on the other side of that where I have given a man everything he could possibly want ( i.e. fulfilling all his needs... no need to go into detail but you all know what I mean) and have given him my time and undivided attention and he still won't give me that title then I wonder if he feels the way that I do when I don't want that title. Needless to say insecurity sets in and I start to question myself. Granted those that know me also know that I am not insecure by any means but, this kind of situation will make a woman question even her own high regard of herself. Some how I always arrive at the same answer.... you never know what you have until its gone.
Inevitably I set out to test my subject...
Men I have learned ( gentlemen please don't be insulted) are like children when it comes to most things. So like a child when a man has a toy (i.e insert your sexy self here ladies) and he has been playing with the toy for several months eventually the toy loses its luster. It is no longer shiny and new. It may still be his favorite toy but he isn't as interested in playing with it like he was before. Now he'd rather play Xbox Live with his friends because he knows his toy isn't going anywhere. So out of the blue one day when he wants to play with his toy and he realizes that it is nowhere to be found he panics. Now he realizes what an idiot he has been to just leave his favorite toy lying around the house. So when after days and sometimes weeks ( if the situation is dire) he finally finds his toy and gets it back he treats it with the greatest of care. He doesn't want to lose the toy again.
This is the good outcome. Not always what actually happens but at least it weeds out the rotten apples.
When I decide to make myself scarce and then he comes looking for me and asks me "What's wrong?" I throw the bomb out. I let him know that I don't want to continue the way that things are and that I think that its best if we see other people. "But why do you feel like this?" he asks, I respond with "Because I think that we want different things and I don't want to get myself involved with someone that just wants to play around".
Now this has played out both ways for me...
A skilled and well trained man in the matters of female psycology once responded to me this way " I am not ready for a relationship, I think you are an amazing woman and I don't want to lose what we have". I almost fell for it. ( I mean, he said it in a really sweet voice and had that really wounded puppy look in his eyes) But I closed my eyes and regained my composure and responded " I think you are amazing too, and thats why I can't continue to get wrapped up in someone that doesn't want the same things I do". He didn't know what to say. I had backed him into the imaginary rock and a hard place. At that point I no longer was interested in a relationship with him. In my mind I am of the belief that a real man can make a decision. His desire to remain in limbo and grey area only ceased to make him less attractive to me. So obviously that didn't work the way I expected it to but I had an answer and I had made my decision.
So I guess the lesson is that no matter what the answer to that question is, no matter wether the man in your life decides to give you a title or not, you have to make the decision. Everyone has choices and all choices have consequences. So ladies if he is making the choice to keep you as merely an option and not his lady, and by lady I mean, the one he takes to the work holiday party, that he is eager to introduce to his friends and his family, the one that he makes feel like the only girl in the world. (Thank you Rihanna) Then you also have a choice which is to give yourself more importance and say no, thank you to his choice and choose your own. No need to wait for him. Choose you first always.
E.C.
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